Brazen Leaders - The Human Edge

#73 - Reparing Mistakes

August 22, 2024 • Amélie Beerens • Season 5 • Episode 73

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In this episode, we cut through the noise and get real about repairing mistakes. It’s not about perfection; it’s about owning your mess-ups, fixing what’s broken, and moving forward with integrity. We’ll break down how to face your mistakes head-on, take responsibility, and turn these moments into powerful leadership lessons. No fluff, just practical advice to help you step up and lead with authenticity.

What You'll Learn:

  • Why owning your mistakes is non-negotiable
  • Simple steps to rebuild trust and mend relationships
  • The power of self-compassion in tough times
  • How to flip your mistakes into growth opportunities
  • Strengthening your leadership through straight-up accountability

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to Brazen Leaders the podcast-to business and people transformation consultant and leadership coach. Yes, all of this With 15 years of experience in transformation. I'm definitely your girl. This podcast is your ultimate toolkit, packed with the insights, strategies and real talk interviews. You need to lead boldly and live bravely.

Speaker 1:

Here at Brazen Leaders, I believe leadership starts within. It's about harnessing your human edge as a superpower to drive impact, inspire others and transform your life. Yes, build what you want. Whether you are a corporate trailblazer, an entrepreneur or someone striving for personal mastery, you're in the right place. This is your weekly dose of radical honesty and unapologetic ambition. Consider it like having a coach in your pocket. My mission is to empower you to achieve what you want, to find the courage to take the direction that makes the most sense for you, and to provide the support you need along the way. When you embrace your true potential and take bold actions, that's when you can create the greatest impact, and I'm here for it. Never underestimate the edge our humanity gives us and the power it brings when we bet on humans. So let's get started. I think I'm ready to rock. This is what you're waiting for. I think I'm ready to rock.

Speaker 1:

Hello, hello and welcome on this new episode. I'm very happy to find you here again. Seriously, every time a new play is happening, I imagine you in your car walking, the dog cooking or I don't know whatever you're doing actually. But really I'm like wait again. Somebody is like working on themselves, asking themselves the hard question, ready to practice, ready to take action, and that actually brings me a lot of energy to myself get into motion. Today is a I'm like you can hear it, I'm in a very, very good mood. It's my first day of work after a non-holiday period. What does that even mean? I didn't go on holiday this summer, it was not my time. I'm very focused on the podcast, the project, how the podcast is going to grow, because soon some interviews are coming on the podcast. It's not going to be only me and the practices. There will be experts coming to really dig into other topics, every time, of course, linked to how you can develop your leadership and achieve everything you want. Also, the Brazen Leader Incubator community is opening again and I really can't wait to welcome the new members. Oh my god, this is really what makes me the most happy on earth. Lately it's working on that. I've got great workshops coming up there. So, yeah, I'm very bubbly because, yes, this is like my back to school. Something is like now, today, mid August, it's where I really, uh, I really feel like the energy is back for me and I hope for you too.

Speaker 1:

And, like always, when you start to take action, when you come back from resting and when you are, when you actually do things, you're going to screw up, you're going to fail. Of course, you're going to do mistakes and even, for example, if I spend a lot of time physically alone because I work from home, I do work with a lot of people and so when I screw up, usually it has impact on people, and I know probably you the same thing on people, and I know probably you the same thing. And something I've been scared for a long time is about owning my screw ups and my mistakes and really building from them, taking them as an opportunity for growth. It sounds like an interesting quote or a sort of mantra, like everything, yeah, there's a growth mindset, everything is an opportunity to grow, blah, blah, blah. But this one in particular is so hard to do in terms of the first step for the first time, specifically because for me, for example, I was so scared that people would stop loving me just because I screwed up, because they are disappointed. I didn't understand that grownups are supposed to handle their disappointment on their own, that I'm not responsible for that and uh, but I am very responsible at how I'm going to handle my own screwed up and my mistakes and how, uh, how it can impact, uh, the relationship we have. So it has been a journey very interesting and super rewarding, and I start to really believe that every time you do something so hard, the reward is so huge behind that. Yeah, it really gives me that curiosity to try.

Speaker 1:

When I'm up in energy, like today, for example, this is definitely a day where I would say, okay, I can do something. That I find very hard today because I got my level of energy super high, because I spent the summer with a quiet mood, focusing on what I really love, and now it's kind of the beginning of my campaigns and the beginning of new projects for me. So, boom, I enjoy going from this energy to the action, but I know I'm going to screw up, for sure I know. So this podcast episode comes in very handy now because, yeah, actually I have a sort of short list of things I need to remind myself always when I screw up because, like everybody, when I screw up, I got shame, guilt and all very uncomfortable feelings that come up. And yeah, of course, I try to get rid of them and I tend to choose the easy path, the comfortable path. So I got this list that I'm going through with you during this podcast episode, list that I'm going through with you during this podcast episode.

Speaker 1:

So I'm sure I am taking advantage of what I just did as a screw up because, yeah, at one point it's really you're giving yourself a lot of work of doing something different or stepping forward for yourself, of, yeah, doing something you're not familiar with, you will screw up, you will make mistakes and nurturing those guilt and shame and other very not comfortable feelings because you just did something that is inevitable, that you can't really avoid, because it will happen. It's too bad. It's too bad because it's like you're killing that motivation, that reward of doing something. You are preventing you of taking the next steps. So this is an empowering exercise, an empowering practice I propose you today and I hope it will bring you as much rewards as it gave me and as it's still creating for me.

Speaker 1:

So, yeah, let's dive into it. It's time we are diving straight into self-mastery, no more, no less. Get ready to shake things up and unlock the extraordinary within you. I like to start with a really dramatic hook, right? I think now you got it, but I mean I'd like you to really get into dramatic hook, right? I think now you got it, but I mean I'd like you to really get into that mode, right?

Speaker 1:

So we're talking about through leadership, and it starts with you. It's all about harnessing your inner strings, owning your flaws and stepping boldly into your full potential. Whether you are dealing with the chaos of corporate life yes, because we always think that corporate is like superstructure and everything, I believe I've seen more chaos than anywhere else in corporation. So, yes, chaos of corporate life, the roller coaster of entrepreneurs or, yeah, the everyday grind, guiding yourself is the most powerful tool you can have and you can develop for yourself. And the way I bring it, it sounds great, right, but yeah, let's be honest and let's try to not kid ourselves.

Speaker 1:

It's tough Because if it was easy, everybody would do it and there would be no coach and no need for anything like this, for anything like the content I'm recording right now. So that's why this podcast exists. It may sound simple and that's really my job to make it as simple as humanly possible, but we both know better. You've tried and you will keep trying. That's your edge. You know it's no walk in the park, but you are doing it anyway and that's why you want to hear, that's why I wake up every morning, because I know there are people like us out there.

Speaker 1:

So today we are hitting on something most people avoid yeah, fixing your mistakes. Yep, you heard me. Well, I'm talking about owning up to your screws up and turning them into moments of growth and deeper connection. I know you might be familiar with the first part of it turning crisis into opportunity, blah, blah, blah, yeah. But the second part, very important deeper connection. But first let's ask ourselves a question why do we skip this? Why do we skip this part where we want to own our shit? Because it's uncomfortable as hell.

Speaker 1:

It is maybe the worst. It started with when you were a kid. It's not easy. You screw up, you know you did something wrong and then, yeah, you know you try to get away with it. Emotions get messy and it's easier to, of course, ignore the mess you just created or you see coming your way. Here's the truth. We all mess up. Here is the truth. We all mess up All of us Non-stop, and it will happen again, if it happened already. It's called being human. Yeah, we are a beautiful creature, but we are very messy and we screw up. So here is what sets you apart Really. That is the real edge you can develop. It's how you handle those messes.

Speaker 1:

So imagine turning those let's be honest cringe-worthy moments into fuel for your personal growth and stronger relationships, because that's really where I want to bring you to really understand that, okay, it's hard, but it's completely possible. And, yeah, the moment you really feel the result of that, I'm not going to get more dramatic, saying that it's addictive, but it's something you really want to try again because it's powerful. So does that hit home? No, okay, okay, just wait until you start practicing. Okay, then, about practicing, it's time that we start to dig into the important steps that will help you to actually practice.

Speaker 1:

That's always where I want to focus on the first step is embrace vulnerability. You have to start with owning your mistakes. It is necessary. It's not a weakness to recognize that you screwed up. It's a power move, especially if you're the first. Remember a situation where you screwed up, you put everything under the rug like no, it's going to be okay, nobody's going to notice, and when it has been noticed, the shame, the guilt and all the very not comfortable emotions that raised at that moment in you. You can avoid that by owning your mistakes. Oops, I screwed up. It can start so simply as that in the beginning, but we will get into that practice deeper in the exercise story.

Speaker 1:

So forget what you were told growing up, because school and the old-fashioned education style really they were. I mean, that was another time. So that mindset is a trap. Owning your errors shows real strength and authenticity. That's what makes you a real human and there is nothing more attractive for another human being to meet a real human being. That realness, that authenticity that word is very a lot used, even though not a lot practiced is the realness we're looking for.

Speaker 1:

When you step up, you're not just fixing a situation, you are building trust and connection with the other person, and that is a people magnet, and in a good sense. I mean this is how you really create a group, a community. This is how you feel safe with other people, with your people. Picture this you are running a project and in a moment of frustration, you snap at a colleague, feel familiar already. I know that's something that happened like more than once to me. Later you feel that knot of regrets and embarrassment, of course. Embarrassment because you know you screwed up. What? Now you could ignore it. Hope it fades away, because I mean, that was the heat of the moment. Everybody moved on, yeah, but that's not what you're about. Instead, you step up and say I'm sorry for how I reacted, that was out of line and I appreciate your patience. That sentence and I appreciate your patience.

Speaker 1:

That sentence, seriously, use it as a script sentence so you don't have to make any effort. You can use that sentence in any situation. When you screw it up, it's so great. You show your self-awareness and you show gratefulness. That's taking control of your actions and setting a standard. That's what we actually mean when we say that you are responsible for your life. You're not responsible of all the crap that are happening to you. This is nonsense. But you are responsible for every action you take. You are a free grown-up living in a free country with choices. With I mean the privileges that you have. Okay, great. So then you take control of your actions. You have that power. It's simple words for a massive impact. Trust me, that sentence is gold. Me, that sentence is gold.

Speaker 1:

Now let's get real about self-compassion. We are our own worst critics. I know that very well. I know. I know I have myself an inner bully that is limitless. It takes a lot of my energy to manage the relationship between my inner cheerleader and my inner bully, because the inner bully was so big for so long, you know. And when we screw up, it is when it's super hard because the critic is intense.

Speaker 1:

But the truth is, if you are leading your life, you've got to learn to separate what you do from who you are. A mistake doesn't define you. It's part of your journey, part of your growth, part of the experience of life. Seriously, no matter your age or your experience, the journey doesn't stop until you do so. Cut yourself some slack, give yourself the grace you would offer someone else, a friend of you, even somebody you don't know. I'm sure you can be kinder with someone even stranger than you are with yourself.

Speaker 1:

Talking about experience here, I know this isn't easy. It takes time and practice to get good at it. But trust me because I'm telling that every time. But trust me, even one attempt is worth it because you have immediate results. So how do you know you messed up, because sometimes you feel like it's obvious. But seriously, let's crack this open. It's a gut feeling, the one you can't shake. Maybe it's a shift in the room, a change in someone's attitude, or just that uneasy feeling in your gut. It can be very subtle. That's also why this emotional intelligence is so important to develop, because it's how you get tuned in the room with the people. So, if you look back, did a conversation and awkwardly, that's the moment when you get that feeling that you have to ask yourself some questions.

Speaker 1:

Okay, let's revisit that situation where I think, where I felt like things switched. Did you react defensively? How did you do? Try to start with what you did instead of what other people did. That's also a very interesting approach. Spot the red flags. Don't brush off feedback, direct or indirect, if people are distant or if you are getting negative comments. Pay attention, those feelings of guilt, regret, embarrassment, okay, they are your mind's way of telling you some things is off. Don't run from it. Use it. That's the moment, that's your cue to okay, that's also your challenge, but that's your cue to just observe what happened, grow from it and deepen the connections with other people. So here is a challenge. Yeah, I like to give you from time to time, a little challenge. I think it's interesting. The next time you slip up, take a step back. Ask yourself what set me off? What fear or insecurity was I dealing with? Figure that out and you will know what to work on to avoid a repeat. This isn't just about fixing what's broken. It's about growing into a sharper, more resilient version of yourself so you are able to deal with more situations of yourself. So you are able to deal with more situations.

Speaker 1:

Step three is all about communication. After you've processed what happened, it's time to face the music. Reach out to those affected and own your part. Be honest about what went down, why it happened and what you're going to do differently. This isn't about fishing for forgiveness. This is not supposed to be your goal. It's about building trust and showing integrity. That's the goal, something we need more of in this world.

Speaker 1:

Seriously, think about the people you look up to. They are not perfect, far from it. What makes them stand out is their ability to handle their mistakes with grace and accountability. They don't avoid tough conversations. They lean into them. Using them to create stronger, more genuine connections. Using them to create stronger, more genuine connections. And, believe me, they are just as scared as you are when it's time to face the music. It's scary because it's new territory, but practice this enough and you will see it works every time. Believe me, it's almost like magic. Seriously, and don't think this is just for the office In your personal life, owning your mistakes can transform your relationships as well, whether it's with your partner, a friend or a family member, whatever.

Speaker 1:

Showing that you are ready to make things right can really deepen bonds and build resilience within the group. So now let's break down how to do this very specifically. Always, you will find a link in the description with the blog article where everything is broke down. You know, if you're more visual, you can find the practice every time on the blog Link in the description. So, number one acknowledge the mistake, the first one, the hardest move Really. After that, everything's going to get easier. So be blunt. Say what you did wrong. Don't sugarcoat it. Own it, okay. Then express regrets. Show you are genuinely sorry for what you did and how it affected others. So we're not talking about you now, okay, it's not about you right now.

Speaker 1:

The third step is take responsibility. You own your actions and don't find excuses. Seriously, I'm going to take a grotesque example, but when somebody is drunk, whatever it did, whatever it did under the influence, the fact that that person was drunk is absolutely not an excuse. Okay, this will not make the action less hurtful because the alcohol was there. And it's the same for every excuses. It's as ridiculous as this one. So, own your action and don't bring excuse Again. It's not about you, it's about them.

Speaker 1:

The fourth step is make amends, ask how you can fix it or, even better, suggest a way to make things right. Okay, but really listen, listen to the other person, to the other party, to really understand how you can make it right. The step number five promise to change. You have to explain what you are going to do to make sure this doesn't happen again. Because, okay, people can understand that you screwed up, because they probably had screwed up as well, a lot already. But doing the same mistake again and again and again, because you don't change anything, yeah, you're not going to get very far from it. It's just not the point of that. Practice right. And then the last step is super important it's the follow through. Talk is cheap. Make sure your actions back up your words. If you had a brilliant idea altogether to fix this and you committed to change whatever needed to be changed, do it. Do it or don't commit for it seriously, because the follow-through will end that process of you growing from this mistake and you deepening the connection with the person.

Speaker 1:

And as we wrap up, there is something I'd like you to take away with you the journey to self-mastery never ends and, yeah, remove that pressure from your shoulders. It will never be finished. It's about constant evolving, constant doing a little step after another little step, learning from every stumble and stepping into your potential with confidence and courage which you build along the road. Of course, you don't get that. You know we don't get that really when we start. Embrace your mistakes, learn from them and use them to push yourself forward. It sounds scary like this, but the moment you start to practice consistently around this and I don't know you, but with the amount of mistakes I do on a regular basis, this can go really fast actually, because every time you screw up, you do that, oh my God. This is going to be very fast track actually, because every time you screw up, you do that. Oh my God, this is going to be very fast track actually for you. I know it was like this for me.

Speaker 1:

And don't forget those mistakes. You think no one noticed, right? I know you know what I mean. There are still chances to grow because sooner or later and I'm still talking about a lot of experience here they will come to light. Yeah, I don't know how they do that, but they always come to light. Own them, learn from them, be the leader you know you can be. And voilà, this is it for today. Thank you for tuning into Brazen Leaders, the Human Edge. Remember true power starts from within. Own your story, embrace your perfection and live with relentless authenticity. This is what I wish for you. Don't forget to subscribe. Drop a review, a comment, give me all the stars on the podcast platform, join me on social network and also share. Share this episode with whoever needs to have a little, a little practice about owning your mistakes and the screws up. And yeah, until next time, stay bold, stay brazen. Bye-bye.